Guided by Grace

https://newirishart.com/irish-artists/kathleen-gormley-artist.htm

                                          


We had wanted to take a ferry to Clare Island. To see where Grace O'Malley heralded from. You know her? The Pirate Queen? Also known as Granuaile O'Malley?

If you don't, she's worth a look. Known as the most powerful woman in Ireland in the 14th century, her leadership and skills were known far and wide, along with her brave, adventurous undertakings on the sea.




One of my favorite stories of her is when she met Queen Elizabeth. Although her ships were responsible for taking many British ships, Queen Elizabeth agreed to meet with her. Grace showed she would not be intimidated by the court of Queen Elizabeth and even impressed the Queen. She did not believe the Queen was her queen, and famously did not curtsy when she met her. I think the Queen must've found it a bit refreshing to find another woman who maintained such self-assured power. This helped create an understanding between the two.

The meeting of Grace O'Malley and Queen Elizabeth I (a later illustration from Anthologia Hibernica, vol. 11, 1793)

But here's my favorite part, when she sneezed and was handed a handkerchief from one of the ladies in Queen Elizabeth's court, she blew her nose and threw the beautifully, handmade lace handkerchief into the fireplace, much to the outrage of the ladies of the court. When asked why she threw such a precious gift away, Grace explained than no one of good breeding would ever hold onto a dirty hankie. They would throw it away.

I just love the idea of her going into the court of the Queen and embodying her own convictions without intimidation, and eventually, getting what she went there for, the release of her sons, whose capture was the impetus for her visit to Elizabeth. Oh, and did I mention she was a red head? You can read more about the visit here:
Grace meets Elizabeth

So, I wanted to take my children, after having introduced them to the tales of this amazing woman, to her origination. Clare Island. Our plans already took us to Westport, for an amazing weekend seeing the brilliant students of Wicklow Montessori Primary School compete in the Ireland Robotics Lego League, the same competition they won two years later and again this year! (Go WMPS!!) After the competition, I decided to take full advantage of our locale on the west coast and called up the ferry out to Clare Island, only to be told the weather would be preventing them from offering rides that day. I was a bit crushed and decided to not be deterred in at least trying to see the island from the mainland. So, we hopped in the car and headed the rest of the way to the west coast, driving along R335.

There is not a road I love to drive better than the ones I drove in Ireland. Navigating the left side of the road, while shifting gears with my left hand, I am in heaven. It feels right to me. My brain is happy and I feel natural. So, along we went, with vistas and slopes of green, brown, and grey populating our drive. And by the looks of the map, lots of little towns to stop for gas, since I'd soon need it. The thin sliver of road, plenty wide for two abreast if you both hop up on the shoulder, curved us along the hillside until we were there. An undetermined spot to stop, the kids were coaxed out of the warm car only by my assurances that the hazy maybe-island in the foggy sea was in fact Clare Island. I'm still pretty sure it was. We said hello, I said more to Ms. O'Malley, and that was that. We hopped back in. Back to the drive where now the only destination was home, in Wicklow, by school's start on Monday. The day was Sunday and with google telling me it was only a four hour drive back to Wickow, I naturally chose a different route.

The scenery did not lessen in beauty, and proved a welcome distraction to the lowered needle of my gas gauge. We were treated to views that made me think of photos I had seen of Iceland, reminding me of a dear friend. And still the road went on. 12km. How far is that, I wondered. Will we make it? 

I dared one or two photos, scared my stopping would result in the expenditure of the last drops of fuel we had. Here's one.

And then the executive decisions began to trickle in. Each "town" we came to turned out to be little more than an intersection, and I had to begin to wonder, do we go back who-knows-how-many km to the town that I know had a petrol station (Westport), or go forward, to an unknown town that might have one? I knew one thing. Idling while I made my choice only wasted more petrol. And I always enjoy a new road, leading to a new place. So on we went.

I repeatedly thanked whatever was there to be thanked that our path went mainly downhill, and was absolutely convinced the car was running on my sheer will power and the grace of everything I was calling in to keep us running. Then, along came the town! Creggenbaun, the town I needed to have fueling options at. It was another intersection. Just. An. Intersection.

Creggenbaun

Another choice. Left took us probably further than we had petrol for, yet also to the town with guaranteed pumps. Right? Right took us to the town that was closer, yet was just as likely at this point to be two houses and a pub.

I went right. I made the kids be quiet in the back seat. I asked them to put all their energy into the car moving us along. The needle was well below the E. I dared one or two photos, scared my stopping would result in the expenditure of the last drops of fuel we had. The scenery was just too beautiful to not capture at least one shot.

 

As we drove along the beautiful fjord, I began to wonder how I'd handle running out of petrol with two young children, who do not have proper clothing for hiking in cold weather.

Then, coming around a bend, I see a man exiting a building literally next to the road.  He felt as if he was a guiding force in a blue jacket, so I gambled a stop to ask about fuel. He stood here, 

in front of this building leaning on the wall, and after a few tries, I was finally able to understand him. Mainly understand him. Sort of. I thought the gist was, keep driving and I'll come to the petrol pumps in Leenaun. "Can't miss 'em," he says. I sure hoped he was right, because the amount of fuel spent as I tried to decode his speech had us even further below the E line on the gauge.

Nonetheless, I was ecstatic! We had made it from the empty, expansive, wild coastline to a place that would provide us with what we needed to continue our journey home! And seeing another human who could possibly help if the car was to stop was a great relief, as well. We kept going, now on a national road, N59, and after many curves, and an awful lot of positive affirming, we saw the sign for Leenaun!

I assumed the town would start and an Applegreen or Texaco or Topaz would jump right into sight. An intersection (uh, oh) with a collection of buildings came and went, 

and then, so did the town. I made a U-turn that took with it most of my hope of not running out of petrol. But still, I thought, if the Irishman said there was a pump, maybe I missed it! Hmm, maybe you did too. Look again. Closer...

Here, let me help.

Look closely, in front of Hamilton's, the blue pub. Yup!









It took me coming from the other direction to notice them, and two motorcycles to be out of the way.




Now, I'm not quite sure how my incredibly low level of petrol somehow carried us all the way to these beautiful, hidden pumps, but I'm fairly sure it had to do with Irish magic, for which I remain ever grateful. 

These little pumps showed me something about not giving up, and continually searching for the truth in a garbled, yet genuine message delivered out of the kindness of a stranger's heart. If you haven't found the truth, just keep looking. 

Hamilton's was open, provided me fuel and water, and most likely a bag of crisps or popcorn for us to split, and will forever remain in my heart, as the place in Leenaun we barely made it to. And this whole adventure that was sparked by the spirit of an explorer, the strong, courageous, and dauntless Granuaile O'Malley, will continually fan the flames of the explorer in my soul, always willing to take that right turn, and voyage into the new.

cheers

...

There was a dream you were in last night and I don’t remember much about it. That is generally the way with my dreams. I know there are ways to get better at this. I haven’t tried yet. There were three of you or three main events that happened. I cant remember. and that’s the main thing I remember. I remember you being short and stout. Solid. And you were worried, so worried about something. I was helping to calm you, but you kept losing me, or I kept going away, drifting away. 

I am quite sure this dream was a result of reading your posts on the website yesterday. I do continuously think about you. And i know I always will. And I am perfectly fine with that and have been for along time.

I am at peace with loving you. I have realized and acknowledged a deeper sense of myself, where I can love someone who doesn’t love me the same. And expect nothing from them in return. Something I would claim I did, when the truth was it was what I wanted to be able to do, and couldn’t. I have crested that wave where I needed some sort of validation from you. And I now can use this wisdom as a touchstone for so many other aspects of my life that deal with thinking I need outer validation to return feelings or beliefs I have about something. I am learning to do this. It’s much easier when I remember I have the wisdom so I can avoid getting wrapped up in feelings of inadequacy or low self-worth when I am rejected, no matter the form. Work promotions given to others, relationships that don’t pan out, struggles with my children, actually any disappointment that I can choose to see as something else entirely. As long as I remember to acknowledge the wisdom I have already learned through my experiences. That, in and of itself, is wisdom right there, too.

Begin the Finishing to Begin the Start

Happy New Year to you all! This year has begun powerfully and slowly for me, and I am excited to see all it will bring! Many blessings to you and your loved ones. Enjoy this year of Badassery and Mastery in anyway you chose. :)

Exactly one week in to this new year of badassery and mastery feels very symbolic for the day I picked work back up on my non-fiction book. I worked for 45 minutes and got through editing the first page. Maybe this wil be a little more work than I thought. Maybe it is not as close to being finished as I thought. Maybe I had to step away from it for as long as I did to allow for the passage of time and whatever newness in me that took that time to grow, to be ready to step back into the book and address its concepts and sentences with these new eyes and thoughts. I am optimistic about it. I have faith it will get done. Working on it today reminded me of working on it last fall, when I felt like I was doing something right and productive by spending my time steadily moving forward on its progression. Progress. Yes. And though it may not be for a while, it would also do me well to have faith that I will be able to recognize when it comes to a stopping point. When to call it done and walk away from the editing process. For I could see me possibly struggling with wanting to declare it done, just wanting to go over it ONE MORE TIME, just to MAKE SURE I didn't miss ANYTHING. So, I will also just go ahead and see myself contentedly submitting the finished draft to publishers, my friends, my family, and see the finished copy on the shelves of stores. I believe this can be done by me. I also believe this needs to be done by me. I am ready and willing to bring this book into being. It will continue to morph and coagulate until it is in the form it will take on those shelves and in the hands of my publisher. I can't tell you how relieved I am that I have chosen to once again give myself permission to begin work on this. I feel it gives me purpose. And that it a powerful thing, indeed.

slainte!

Lotus Bloom

Anytime I remember that one of the significant attributes of a lotus flower is the brilliance of the white petals that are nourished by and supported by the dark mud far below the surface of the water, I am again struck with a deep manner of profundity. I have always felt a resonance with the lotus flower, but off the cuff, it always seems due to its beautiful process of unfolding its many petals to create something magnificent resting on the water's surface. It isn't always reminiscent of what I found so striking about it tonight, of its clean, white petals shining pure and true after having risen from the muck and debris at the bottom of the lake. I easily draw a correlation to my life, as do many people to their own, I'm sure.

The lotus means many things, I had just forgotten that it also means rising from whatever dark mud you may find yourself in, and pushing yourself further in growth until you one day break the surface and bloom with the beautiful, pure, clean, white love you were always capable of. If you don't let go of the mud and rise above it, you will forever stay under the surface of your own potential, drowning without ever realizeing the blossom you could have been. Remember to humbly appreciate that without that muck, debris, and dark mud, your bloom would not be as strong, healthy or vibrant. We are stronger than the darkness that lies under our surface, not in spite of it, but inspired to rise from it. It nourishes our will to become something beautiful and light. It supports our growth by fueling our learning opportunities. And it remains constantly there, a reminder that no matter what sludge may exist within us, therein lies a fertile ground for the growth of our authentic beauty.

Brene Brown and The Anatomy of Trust

    I listened to Brene Brown's "Anatomy of Trust" video again today, after having first seen it maybe a couple yeas ago, and was once again reminded of the person I want to be. She breaks it down because after studying and researching trust, she came to the astute conclusion that trust does not hinge on just one aspect of a person's character, nor does it get received for just one characteristic. It is an assembly of many traits that to the degree someone is possessing or lacking said trait, can be a barometer to measure whether trust is there. She calls it Braving Trust.

    As I'm hearing her brilliantly and eloquently go over the components she found while researching this topic, I am mentally taking inventory within myself of the amount (some) of the ones I do okay in, and the ones (seems like a lot more) that I want to see myself do so much better on. And as I went through and saw the ones I want to get better on, I already could see how far I've come in my own growth. Because instead of becoming sad and depressed about how much I suck (or would've thought I sucked) I realize I am able to see these characteristics that have left me such room for improvement not through the filter of guilt, but instead through the filter of loving acknowledgement that has me on a path of positive change instead of dumping me harshly on a downward spiral of guilt and shame and self-loathing.

    I can see that this is a big difference in my ability to do anything about these things I want to improve in my life. I'm not saying there aren't striken moments on the path of positive change where I slip back into old ways of thinking about how useless I am, or how I fail at everything, or how unlovable I am, unreliable, untrustworthy, awful and ugly. And these moments are not fun and they hurt, but I can recognize my growth at how much more quickly I remind myself which path I want to be on. I keep it from putting me on the spiral downward by thinking about the path I want to be on, and therefore I find myself on it again. Our thoughts and the way we feel about them are the strongest magic we have in this life. It is thinking about being on this path of positivity that I can look at myself, and all my faults, and lovingly vow to continue to do my best everyday, no matter how varied that "best" is from day to day. Because one of the cornerstone points of Brene's talk is the importance of Braving Trust with ourselves. That is where it all begins. Here is the link to this wonderful talk by this insightful, thoughtful, loving soul. Thank you, Brene.

Brene Brown "The Anatomy of Trust"

Centered

There's been a lot of talk going on in places I see and hear talking happening that has a lot to do about femininity and masculinity, matriarchy and patriarchy, and the one word I generally have to offer on the subject is balance. This word continues to surface for me in my life, too. There is always a balance needed for anything to run smoothly, and our lives are no exception. I like the mental image of the wheel spinning. Think about it and then pick where you would prefer to spend most of your time while the wheel forever spins. Sitting on the outer edge, though this position may feel strong of conviction, only leaves you feeling whipped around, especially when the wheel seems to speed up. You have to hold on to things more tightly to keep from flying off and losing control. Like the saying, fly off the handle, instead it's fly off the wheel. Now think about sitting at the center, in balance with the forces of nature and gravity, all powers outside of your control, as the wheel spins. Think of a potter's wheel and a lump of clay to be molded into a bowl or a vase. If that clay is centered on the wheel, no matter how fast the wheel is turning, that clay is not going anywhere. It is in control of itself, purely based on it being centered on that wheel. But give it a nudge and knock it off balance, and no matter how well you think you anchor it to withstand the spinning of the wheel, it is guaranteed to eventually fly off the surface of the wheel, unable to control itself in the face of the forces at work. Now think again of the wheel of life that is our situations, issues, beliefs , and convictions. Choosing to sit from the balanced center of the wheel creates a place of much more control, no matter how fast the wheel might spin. Not control of the people or situations in your life necessarily, as most of them are out of our control anyway, but control of self. Like that lump of clay not being able to control gravity and physics, but being able to control itself when it is centered. We allow ourselves a greater ability to remain in control of our actions and operate from a higher level when we can remain in control of ourselves, no matter how quickly the wheel of events in our lives is turning. And it is that balance that needs to be reached with so much in our world today. Gender warfare included. There must be a love and support for the opposite gender from each of the sexes as we all continue to grow towards a balanced and peaceful world. Gender equality has come a long way in the last 50 years, and still has a long way to go, but coming from one side of the wheel, crossing through the center and going straight out onto the other side of the wheel will create just as much of an imbalance. So I hope that everyone can see that there is a balance needed, not retribution for past unbalances, if we are to all carry forward from our highest place within ourselves. Brotherhood Sisterhood. There's room in the center for us all.

Interpretation Nation

Facebook gave me inspiration for tonight. There is a group I follow called The Smart Witch and I simply love all their posts. There was an image that read, If you feel like you don't fit in, in this world, it is because you are here to help create a new one. I know I've heard this before and I like the meaning behind it. It is in keeping with, the 'Be the change you wish to see in the world' idea, in my opinion, only without the direct command for action. I hear it saying that if you do not feel at home in your life, then create the life you need, to feel at home. I used to only read the saying about not fitting in as a way to inspire people to want to step up and help create a better world, a kinder, more compassionate, more understanding and loving world for us all to live in. But now it has dawned on me, perhaps from more perspective? or something, I now also look at it and interpret it in another possible way. What about those who want to live in a crueler, more dispassionate, and misunderstood tragic world? Who am I to say that this saying can hold no truth for them? I may not like it, but many profound sayings we hear in the world, when distilled down to the basics of what they're saying, can go either way. Good or evil. I can now see someone with a completely opposite moral compass as me stating this very same concept with as much definitiy as I did with my beliefs plugged into it, and the thing of it is, that person would not be one bit wrong in his or her's interpretation of the saying. It is something to always try and remember. Words and sayings are only as good as their interpretation. I haven't felt that I fit in for a long time, so I am all on board for helping to create a new world! That first one that I mentioned  {I will be flying to the left}

I am also typing this post on a keyboard I just got for my iPad, and I quite like it. It is by Favormates, but it doesn't have as strong of a case that I was looking for, to keep the iPad itself safe. So I may try another one down the line. Thanks for reading and feel free to leave a comment below about what you think of room for interpretation that is not in-line with your own.

Cheers